are you still at the devil's house?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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