From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
