im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize