I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
