Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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