I can't watch pbs sober anymore
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
