is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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