Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
