Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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