tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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