Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
