you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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