Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I look better un-naked...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
