I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
