ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
