i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
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Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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