he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
