so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
