you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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