dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
