Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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