Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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