did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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