you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
