You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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