my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize