Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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