Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
