I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
FUCK WHALES
I'm both gender and math confused
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
