I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
