I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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