i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
