i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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