haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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