threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
