i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
