the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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