when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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