I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
