she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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