Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
