Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
