just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
