help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
