I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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