I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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