You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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