he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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