I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
