well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
