can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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