This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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