my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This baby is an asshole
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
