his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My ass is underappreciated
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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