Can i not drive my cunt home
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
