fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
