wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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