I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
