Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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