WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
