Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize