and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
