My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I didn't notice because vodka
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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