The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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