I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
