im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
