like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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