My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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